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WARNING: Some posts contain explicit language!


Dear Diary: An Excerpt

Dear Diary:

Being different is attached to a hefty price tag. I fit everywhere and nowhere at the same time. People connect with some aspects of me but not with others and so, ultimately, I’m just ignored because balance is not what they truly seek. Peace is not what they truly seek. These are just empty words oozing from people’s mouth holes. Words with substance are followed by actions with substance, and I find most people grossly insubstantial. They speak of a better world, but few act to create one. They cry of inequality, but they behave unequally. They insist they want truth, but as soon as truth presents itself, they either try to kill it or run from it. Either way, it’s evident they don’t want the things they say they want. People don’t understand what truth means because they aren’t even honest with themselves. Denial is the most chasmic of rivers. Delusion, of equal depth, it appears.

Perspective changes with distance, but even artists don’t comprehend distance when they never travel past the surface layer of emotional art. Everyone wants to adamantly argue for the sake of arguing to appease personal emotions. But that’s just it… emotions are personal while logic is universal. I argue from a universal perspective because it can benefit the whole of humanity; albeit I tend to do it with passion. They argue to feel a moment of comfort when they think they won a stoopid battle. They didn’t win, I just saw there was no possibility of convincing the buffoons of a different perspective so I walked away. I always walk away because peace… I try to keep the peace but all they want is war.

I never felt at home amongst most people; not as a child and not as a mature adult. Fuck 'em all for making me feel like shit about myself for being more when they’re not enough. I was as kind as I could be. I was as peaceful as I could be. I held their hands when they were scared. I offered my shoulder to crying friends and foes alike. I never turned my back on someone who needed help regardless of their degree of assholery. I gave and gave, and while I still have more to give I struggle with my desire. They reject me at every turn because I’m too much and they can’t handle it, but they don’t see how they’re not nearly enough and neither can I. I’ve walked away from everyone I could who refused to see that racism is wrong, that misogynism is wrong, that willful ignorance is wrong. And in doing so, I thought I was keeping peace. But, I was wrong. Sometimes to keep the peace, we must fight for what is right. I know who I am, even if you don't. I am a warrior with an unbreakable will. I will fight to the death for what’s right... for the children who are too young to fight, for those who are unable to fight, for the whole of an ignorant humanity because the organism itself is worth the fight, despite the fact that some of its parts are utterly worthless as far as I can tell.