Bear with me. This one is a doozy! They say hindsight is 20/20 and they're not wrong. Looking back brings all sorts of clarity. In the day-to-day, many things go unacknowledged and unfiltered. We consume them without ever paying a bit of conscious attention to what we've just absorbed into ourselves. So much of who we are is kinda an arbitrary accident. Obviously, this doesn't have to be so. We can live in more mindful ways and control our absorptions.
It all boils down to choice, again. In stepping on the mindful road, the beginning can be tedious. Every action needs to become a conscious choice. Every thought must be made with purpose revolving around the goal you are building, the self you are building. Before you could build it all up, it must be torn down. So look at you, all broken up. What an opportunity for reconstruction! In order to know what to tear down, first separate. Figure out what to keep and what to change, the same way you might go through your closet. Then chose a destination. When they say keep your eye on the ball, that's applicable here. Don't lose sight of where you aim to go.
When you could handle the beginning and the end, the in-betweens work out with relatively minimal effort (if you don't get in your own way) so, the need for stress is actually self-defeating and purposeless... for the most part. There are different kinds of stress and we mustn't forget that. Like most things, stress has a positive end on the opposite side of the negative end, like a battery but different. Stay on the positive end and all will be well. The middle is a precarious balance and a dangerous place since the scales could tip at any time and you could roll right over onto the wrong end.
I don't recommend that side of things. It's, more often than not, purposeless. Visit once or twice for understanding, but then get the fuck outta there! That's not a place to stay for a permanent vacation; and no doubt that's where you'll land if you linger too long. The positive end of the spectrum is much more productive. You could be a positive realist without falling into idealism, also. Paradoxically, the parallels intersect. I keep stumbling upon paradoxes of intersecting nature lately. Jeez!
Don't go too far on the positive end either, though. Too much of a good thing is actually just as bad as the bad things. I almost died of laughter way too many times in my life and it sucked every.fucking.time! No matter how you get there, near-death is near death. It's a fearful experience every time. No one actually wants to be there. Location, location, location! And that's a crappy one. Take it from me... I put Chaucer to shame in that department! Perhaps it was another author. I don't remember now. Either way, I'm a freakin' expert in near-death experiences, lol. I'm not sure if that's actually funny, but if I don't laugh I'll cry.
I actually don't perceive crying as a negative, unlike most people. I find it cleansing and clarifying. You just can't allow yourself to get stuck in it. That's when the problems arise. But if you use your emotions as guiding tools, they're wonderful! Much like batteries, each emotion has a positive and negative end. Be honest with yourself when assessing your locations. Without an honest assessment, you can't draw an accurate picture. Who the fuck wants to draw lies, right? Is it hard to handle the truth? For a minute, but it's temporary discomfort. As you learn, you heal. Truth is usually a superficial knee scrape, not a loss of a limb. Keep things in perspective.
Figure out your strand locations and you'll know where you stand within the self. From there, you can rebuild any damn way you choose. Ultimately, the choice is yours and you can't actually run around blaming everybody else for your mistakes in life. It doesn't work that way. Few things can be pawned off as someone else's responsibility, and even then, they're actually questionable. Did I really leave, or did it just appear that way? Perhaps I was standing on the other side of the door the whole time and you just couldn't see me because you haven't figured out x-ray vision yet. Or how to open the damn door. Just sayin'.
Things are rarely as bad as we make them. History helps paint our pictures and if we haven't broken down and reconstructed the right inner pieces, we do ourselves a giant disservice! We could fall prey to our own history. There is no help from the outside. Sadly, this part is a solo show. No one knows you better than you, right? Truth is, you don't know what you don't know so learn thy-freakin-self! Rule #1 KNOW.THYSELF.THOROUGHLY. That is a hard rule, people.
On a more personal note, there have been countless times that I've fallen into really dark places inside myself. Self-pity, regret, destitution, shit like that. The only way out I could find is 1. Believing there is a way out even when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. They call that blind faith. You must have it, or at least be able to fake it till you make it. 2. Create a goal that awaits you on the other side of the darkness. This helps speed up the process. 3. Every single day, do something that brings you closer to your goal. Don't skip a day lest you risk slipping again. Before you know it, you'll see the light! Just don't ever give up!
For example, let's say you have a drinking problem. 1. Believe there's a permanent way out. 2. Create an enticing goal... the partner of your dreams awaits on the other side, your lifelong dreams come true, dream job, etc. 3. Identify the problem that drove you to drink. Assess the truth of the problem in perspective. Did your love reject you or is there another reason they may have "disappeared"? Perspective is everything. Sometimes we have to throw away what we think we know in order to start over and obtain a fresh view. Take a shower. Wash away the lingering emotions that you've outgrown. They're unbecoming. Clear your head. Drink plenty of water. (Water is a wonderful thing on so many levels! Use it as a tool. It's among the best!) Try to visualize the way you want things to look... brighter, sunnier, smilier, and aim for those things. Don't take your eye off the goal. Manifest it the way you wish it to exist in your world. You'd be surprised to discover how many things you wanted will come right up to greet you with open arms. Create your truth. That's the power of the mind, and the mind is energy in electrical form. There's science here. In focusing on the positive side of your battery, you'll direct your intent toward it. That tells your brain this is what you desire. Your brain will rewire itself to help you achieve your goals. That's simply what it does. Use the tools that are already within you to help guide you to receive exactly what you desire. You are worthy of true love. In someone's eyes, you are more beautiful than you could imagine! You are loved, admired, desired. You are everything to someone. Don't ever give up on yourself! Not for a second and not for anyone. Ever. Everything you hate about life can fall to the other side of those spectrums if you push it there. And vice versa so be careful where and how you push. Specificity is key. If you make a mistake, don't berate yourself. Instead, try again. You'd be surprised how many things can correct. Just keep going and you'll make it through!
This formula is applicable to other things, too. Say you're an over-analyzer... Give yourself a cap. Allow yourself to analyze, but only to a point. Remember, too much of a good thing is not good. Moderation. Balance. 1. Believe that you can achieve moderate analysis. 2. Create a goal... a cap. 3. Overthink a tiny bit less each day until you reach the ideal place. Say you want to let go of something that ails you... 1. Believe you can let it go. 2. Create a goal that doesn't have that thing in it. You can erase it from your existence if you choose. Visual yourself without it as you wish to see yourself. 3. Deliberately think less about it every day until it disappears. You're creating a new habit that doesn't include the thing that plagues you. You're rewiring your brain to be happy without it. This is the way to create a healthy lifestyle as you wish it to exist. Sometimes we need to let things go for our own preservation. I happen to know a great deal of self-sacrifice, and in the end, too far is too far and the road back is too long and painful.
In this 1-2-3, process, the side effect is self-control. Since you have that in so many other aspects of yourself, you're already in possession of the required skills. All your brain needs to do is direct the skill to the needed area. You're already on your way! Just set your intentions.
I fell to rise
To greet you there
So I can talk you through
The way I believe
Believe in yourself
1. Believe. 2. Create a goal. 3. Manifest. You got this!