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WARNING: Some posts contain explicit language!


Context, The Way, And Him

How can I summate an entire process in a singular blog post?

I like to play... with clay and bricks, with words and meanings, hurts and healings. I go through phases like lifetimes. And my favorite space is mud because it reminds me of my childhood when I would meditate beneath the afternoon sun who helped me create by solidifying my makes as if together we were one god.

Context is everything sometimes. I fell into a dark phase a few years back. There were things in life I needed to explore on a closer level because I just didn't understand any other way. I warned those I could. I let go of those I couldn't protect from myself. It hurts you less when I leave you than when I beat you repeatedly, so I chose the lesser of two evils. When everyone was at a safe distance, I fell into my game to obtain the knowledge I needed for the future. But more than that... the understanding I needed. Knowledge isn't much without understanding. Nor is art. Nor is life.

I'm so torn up because I couldn't protect my truest love. What could I do but hold his hand, then? I tried to warn him, chase him away, pull him from the mud I created by deleting everything. Nothing worked. He never left and he fell into the hurt with me; straight into hell. He fell into the dirt with me. Confused. Abused. Misused. Accused. Refused. We suffered all the things like crawling through fire because we desired what's on the other side so fucking much... because life is barely worth living without. And I'm happy to say that it's finally over!

Layers Of Love sculpture
Layers Of Love, sculpture by Ana333