Sometimes I try on other people’s boots just to see what it’s like to walk in them. In some fashion, I mean that literally. Reading about something or hearing it versus living it are significantly different things and I’m a bigger fan of empirical facts than opinions, though they both have their place. Just because you read what I’ve written here and/or on social media doesn’t mean you can conglomerate my essence from a few posts. I could feel your confusion. You’ve no concept of who I am relative to what you thought you knew about me because things don't add up. That’s fine by me because I challenge perceptions as an art form. I was never fond of boxes; the limitations that people have and impose on others. They’re dumb. The boxes, not necessarily the people, although sometimes, lol.
I was once almost fired from a corporate job in a financial institution because I colored my hair purple. What was their logic, I could count well as a brunette but purple spontaneously makes one incompetent? However, boxed-blonde over there wasn’t mentally impacted by her color, lol. Ridiculous! If it was a matter of corporate presentation, it’s still a dumb thing to judge because it’s the same as someone wearing colored contacts or having tattoos. So what if we come in an array of colors?! What happened to judging by character? Conservative appearance is just that.... appearance; a giant, unnecessary, and inhibiting lie. We need to stop annihilating self-expression because it results in unhealthy, and sometimes detrimental, impacts on the well-being of individuals and society alike. And it slows the growth of humanity, even! I’m not going to stop what I’m doing simply because people are confused, but I will try to be a bit clearer about it… though sometimes it’s not possible without screwing up my system and I won't compromise the truth of my art. The whole truths I seek can only be collected under certain conditions. Sidenote: We could be more expressive and spectral without taking it to Clown Town. We don't have to be so extreme as in The Hunger Games' upper-class town. Self-expression doesn't have to land at laughable...
Things don't add up when you don't have all the pieces, and with me, you need to collect for a long time before you acquire enough to get a real sense of who I actually am versus the walking contradiction I appear to be. My patterns are ginormous, complexly entwined, and intertwined with those of others. My artforms are many and "weird", as my kid tells me. That's one of my favorite things in life... He walks into the room and catches me doing something, says, "you're so weird!", then walks away laughing. I love that shit! :D He appears to be on the conservative end so the contrast is fun, lol.
I think it's important to challenge one's own perceptions and beliefs. I do it as a way of life and it results in what appear to be drastic changes at times, from an outside perspective. From the inside, I thought I was pretty much the same for as long as I could remember because I was primarily looking at the core depth of myself. I believed that core characteristics didn't, and couldn't, change. Recently, I discovered they can, though it's beyond unusual and feels earth-shattering in a somewhat physical sense. Speed, scale, distance, time, and impact have a lot to do with that. The feeling is contingent on one's level of self-awareness. A high level of awareness results in a "weird" description by everyone who doesn't have it, so take care treading down that road. Some of your friends and colleagues won't be able to take those kinds of changes in stride and you'll be met with significant resistance. Change anyway. It's personal growth and the biggest mistake one could make is to slow that down for others. Those who matter will love you anyway. Grow like a goddamn weed! But not just any weed... like a dandelion with a flower on top and plenty of seeds to spread around ;) The world needs you more than you know!